


Five

by birene (zeroambi)



Category: Dead Zone
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-06-17
Updated: 2007-06-17
Packaged: 2017-10-19 21:32:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/205432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zeroambi/pseuds/birene
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a drunken night out Johnny und Walt check who has the bigger one. Well, not really, but that would probably be stuff for the sequel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five

At first Johnny hadn’t known what to make of it when Roscoe invited him along with his boss to his birthday barbecue. He had always thought Roscoe hated him. But Walt had assured him that it wasn’t so, and that he suspected his deputy sheriff was a bit off a fan boy of the local psychic.

So Johnny had accepted the invitation, and the party had actually turned out to be a great deal of fun. Although for the most part a mighty supply of booze was primarily accountable for it.

Not that he was drunk or anything. A little tipsy maybe and mellowed out. But Walt was probably right, that he shouldn’t drive anymore and sleep it off at the Bannerman house, which happened just to be a few blocks away from Roscoe’s.

The walk back there was a bit boring though and Johnny chose to loosen it up a bit with some presentation of his musical talent. He had just reached the last verse of the “cop theme”, when they both finally stumbled up the back porch. "I shot the Sheriff, but I didn't shoot the Deputy!"

“John. John! No. More. Singing. Or I'll arrest you for disorderly conduct.” Walt reproved him, searching scatterbrained for his keys.

“You don’t like how I sing?” Johnny asked offended. “Sarah likes it when I sing! She always said I had a great voice!”

"I'm not Sarah," Walt reminded him and then cursed. “Fuck!”

“Now what?” Johnny asked puzzled.

“I’ve lost the keys.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes. I’m sure. I put them in the jacket here and now they’re gone,” Walt said. “Hey, touch the pocket maybe you can see where they are?” he suggested.

“Okay.” Johnny reached for the pocket, but couldn’t get anything from it. He tried all the other ones of the jacket but nothing.

“It’s not working,” Johnny shrugged.

“Fine psychic you are,” complained Walt.

“Well, I can try again tomorrow, or you can change the locks, whatever,” Johnny said and reached for the bell, but Walt jerked him back.

“Are you nuts? We’re going to wake the baby up!” he hissed.

“Well, you could do that neat trick you know ...” Johnny made a lock picking gesture.

"I can't break into my own house. What would the neighbors think?" declined Walt.

“It’s 3am in the morning, there are no neighbors here,” stated Johnny. “And you don’t seem to have that much of a problem with it when it comes to other peoples’ houses, as far as I recall.”

“What’s that supposed to mean, huh?” Walt gave him an annoyed look. "Damn it. Sarah is going to kill us!"

“What do mean us?” Johnny asked tongue-in-cheek. “She’s going to kill you! You're her husband! I’m just a very barely-involved friend here ..."

"Yeah, sure. And this would be one of the very few occasions where you're not jealous about that," Walt grumbled thoughtlessly. They both froze with the words hanging uncomfortably in the air between them.

"Sorry," muttered Walt.

"It's okay," Johnny waved aside.

"No, it's not."

"Whatever."

"Really not."

"Oh, shut up!" Johnny gave grimly looking Walt a playful shove. “Now lets ring. I’m sure she won’t bite our heads off.”

“I don’t know,“ Walt hesitated. ”She has been really strained ever since the birth, and she already freaked out enough when JJ told us he was going on a date with Angie Sanders.”

This had Johnny gapping at Walt in shock. “What the hell? He’s barely eleven!” he exclaimed.

“Well, you know, kids these days,” said Walt rolling his eyes.

Johnny blinked at him petrified.

“Jesus. When I’m saying date, I mean, he was going with her to the Pizza Palace downtown, where they bought each other stale pizza bread and he had to fend off the girl’s cooties with a fork,” Walt explained. “And don’t ask me why I know this.”

Johnny let out a helpless groan.

“Now come on. This can’t be that much of a shock. How old were you and Sarah when you started to do stuff together?” asked Walt.

“Much, much older ... we were at least ... I mean ... oh God!” Johnny slumped into one of the porch’s recliners and threw an arm over his face as if to hide behind it.

“Yeah. That’s what I thought,” Walt nodded sadly.

“Do you know what that means?” asked Johnny.

“That you’re a psychic hypocrite?” offered Walt.

“No, it means I’m old!”

“Oh, stop whining,” Walt rebuked him. “I’m the one who turns forty this year you still have two years to go.”

“That’s not helping!” Johnny looked annoyed.

“They grow up so fast,” Walt said lost in thought. “You’ll see it with Marie. First it’s monsters under their beds, then it’s awkward Pizza Palace dates and a few years later ... “

“Lalala! I can’t hear you!” Johnny sing-songed with fingers in his ears, which made Walt laugh at him and shake his head. Finally he sat down in the other recliner besides Johnny and gave him a curious look. “You didn’t answer my question,” he said.

“What question?” asked Johnny.

“When you and Sarah started to do stuff together. As a couple I mean."

"You really wanna know?" Johnny asked surprised. Walt had never really asked him about anything, when it came to his relationship with Sarah.

"Hit me," Walt confirmed.

"Well, we never had any Pizza Palace dates, and I was too chicken to ask her to junior high prom. But once we were in high school, we would see each other for sport or go to the movies together. You know, the usual,” told Johnny.

“And how old where you when it became, you know, more serious?” Walt inquired unambiguously.

Johnny felt his face heat up a bit, but he held out against Walt’s curious gaze. “Er, I think that was the summer after our sophomore year, so um ... sixteen,” he revealed. “Well, Sarah was sixteen, I was still short of it for a few days, and she said that we should do something other than kissing, while it still had the thrill of the forbidden. And then she blew me in the backseat of her mother’s car."

"She didn't," Walt said in disbelief.

"She totally did," confirmed Johnny.

"My God, I'm married to a child molester," whined Walt and hid his face in his hands in mock despair.

"Oh come off it, child molester, my ass,” snorted Johnny and tried to get more comfortable on the recliner, but somehow ended up in an awkward position on his stomach. “I bet you were like thirteen when you first were with a girl. What with your baseball jacket, and jock friends, and ..."

This made Walt break into roaring laughter, and it took a while for him to calm down enough again to say in a overtly serious tone: "Actually I was twenty-five, John. Almost twenty-six."

"No way!" Johnny couldn’t believe it.

"You know, I wasn't kidding when I said I never had much luck with women,” said Walt. “Believe it or not, but I'm a rather shy guy and high school girls are scary."

Walt had a point there, Johnny had to admit. "Are they ever. Well, except for Sarah. She protected me from the mean ones. She once punched a girl in the face for calling me a sissy little boy, still stuck behind his mother’s skirt."

"Really?" Walt sounded impressed.

"Yeah. She got two weeks suspension for it too, but she said it was totally worth it," explained Johnny.

"Cool." Walt seemed to think about it. “Well, sissy little boy or not, the ladies’ man trophy goes definitely to you, as unlikely as it seems.”

“Jeez. You make that sound like I’m a slut or something,” Johnny said irritated. “I’ve only ever been with Sarah, that one girl from college Mandy, and after the coma Dana, Rachel and Alex. So five. That’s not all that much. Vision sex doesn't count."

"You bet it doesn't," muttered Walt. "Wait, nobody after Alex?” he asked. “That was over a year ago?!"

Johnny just glared at him.

"Right."

“So, how many notches does the ‘shy guy’ have on his belt?” Johnny finally asked.

"Well, two," answered Walt.

"What?"

"Two."

"You’re gonna tell me that you never slept with any woman but Allison and Sarah?" Johnny asked totally floored.

"That's right," acknowledged Walt.

Okay, that was too much for Johnny, and he tried to turn back on his back to get a better look into Walt’s face, who now probably wondered why Johnny was humping the porch recliner because his stupid body didn’t quite work as it should. But after much flailing, he was finally on his back again and could eye Walt suspiciously.

"Now wait a minute! Wait. A. Minute. What about with guys?" he finally confronted him.

This made Walt wince and then look a bit defeated. "Eh, okay, there were one or two before. Maybe three,” he said trying to avoid Johnny’s eyes.

"Aha!" Johnny had known the twenty-five year old virgin was bullshit.

"What, aha? That doesn't count either!" Walt warded off.

“What do you mean it doesn’t count? Of course it counts. It was no vision sex, right? So it counts!” determined Johnny.

"It was all situational!" protested Walt.

"What, you were in prison now?" asked Johnny ironically.

"No, but in the military. Same difference," stated Walt.

“Duh.”

There was an awkward pause and it was Walt who finally breached it again.

“John?”

“Yeah?”

“Since when did you know ... you know ... about me and ... that I had ...?” he asked giving Johnny an uneasy look.

"Not until I just asked," admitted Johnny.

"Oh."

“Yeah.”

"You're not going to tell Sarah, are you?" Walt asked nervously.

"What, do you think I'm a tattletale?" Johnny returned and Walt looked relieved. "She would be okay with it, you know?" he added.

“No I don’t. And you don’t either,” stated Walt.

“Well, maybe not in a psychic way, but I know in my heart that she would understand,” insisted Johnny. As if on cue the porch door opened with Sarah coming through it in her pyjamas. She had little Marie on her shoulder and mustered them derogatorily.

“Why, isn’t that cute? Two drunken idiots lounging on my porch and doing their best to wake up the house plus the whole neighborhood. Now get your asses in here stat, or I’m calling the cops,“ she threatened.

Yeah, thought Johnny, Walt had been right. She was totally going to kill them.


End file.
